Navigating Your LGBTQ+ Identity

Coming to accept yourself isn't always easy. If you're having trouble navigating your gender identity and sexuality, explore this guide to foster self-discovery and acceptance.

What is it?

Coming out or being authentic about your gender identity or sexuality to others, can be confusing at times, but it can also be transformative. Exploring your identity can be empowering and bring about a world of happiness. Because LGBTQ+ people still face discrimination and stigma, not everyone has an easy path to finding themselves.

The process of coming out and coming to terms with your identity can take a toll on your mental health. You may feel confused or misunderstood. You may feel different from others but can’t put your finger on why; you may feel uncertain of things that seem intuitive to everyone else; you may want to try something new but fear rejection. Or maybe you're sure of yourself, but the world around you is not.

Coming out looks different for everybody. Some people know who they are right away, but for some people, it can take years before they figure it out. Shame and stigma can make this process difficult. The reality is LGBTQ+ individuals are at significantly higher risk of facing violent victimization for expressing their gender or sexual identities, making coming out more difficult for certain folks. Show yourself compassion and patience as you take time to understand and feel comfortable expressing yourself.

There’s no one way to be LGBTQ+. Exploring your identity can begin at any time. You don’t have to pick a label if you don’t want to or conform to any standards that don’t feel right for you. Sometimes things change, and that’s OK. Exploring can be a really powerful phase of discovery, and you never have to leave it.

If you do find your way to self-acceptance, coming out can have a positive impact on your life and your overall mental wellbeing. There’s no “correct” timeline, and the only end goal should be your happiness.

Why is navigating LGBTQ+ identity challenging?

If you're in the process of coming out or coming to terms with your gender identity or sexuality, it can more challenging if you lack resources or safe spaces and people to turn to.

LGBTQ+ identities were once categorized and treated as mental health conditions, all operating with the underlying assumption that being part of the LGBTQ+ community was a disease that could be cured. While we’ve come a long way in combating hate, the stigma hasn’t completely gone away.

Over the past several decades, LGBTQ+ folks have waged strong and successful efforts to combat that stigma and gain greater acceptance. But in recent years, anti-LGBTQ+ discrimination has increased, making it harder for LGBTQ+ folks to live safely as their authentic selves.

Discrimination can take a toll on your mental health and can make it harder to just be yourself. It makes it harder to explore your identity, to try things out, and discover who you are on your own time. It can create feelings of uncertainty about yourself and your future; it can make you fear rejection.

No one deserves to feel shame, sadness, or fear because of who they are. We are all best able to survive and thrive through these experiences if we build resilience through connection with other people, pride in our culture, and affirming mental health care.

What are some emotions, moods, and life experiences associated with navigating LGBTQ+ identity?

There are some common feelings and experiences associated with coming out and coming to terms with your gender identity or sexuality. Learn more about those emotions and moods below.

Discovering who you are can be difficult, but you’re not alone. Giving yourself space to heal and explore, and seeking out people who understand you, is a great place to start.

Things to Try

Exploring and expressing who you are is can be a long, winding journey. Try some of the activities below to foster empowerment and healing.

Acknowledge and avoid negative self-talk

Connect with others

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Build pride for your community

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Try talking about it

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More Things To Try

How can I help a loved one cope with their feelings related to navigating their LGBTQ+ identity?

Everyone deserves the chance to explore who they are and who they want to be, without judgment, and at any age or phase of their life. Still, because of many factors LGBTQ+ folks can’t immediately find the acceptance they deserve.

Unfortunately, many people still believe that being part of the LGBTQ+ community is a choice rather than a natural part of someone’s personhood. This assumption is harmful and contributes greatly to the specific interpersonal issues LGBTQ+ face.

Give your loved ones the space to explore. Your loved one may come to you with unsure, questioning feelings about their identity. It’s important to validate how they’re feeling, provide non-judgmental support, ask them questions, and assure them that it’s okay if they don’t have everything totally figured out.

Coming out looks different for everyone: some people want to come out with a big splash, some want to tell just a few trusted friends, and some prefer not to “officially” come out at all. Sometimes people come out multiple times as they discover new parts of themselves.

If someone comes out to you, it’s really important to accept and affirm them, especially if this is your family member or someone very special to you. However it happens, what matters is that your loved one is met with positivity. It takes a lot of courage to be open about yourself, knowing that many people aren’t accepting of LGBTQ+ people. Though it may be news to you, this person may have spent years discovering themselves and deciding to tell people. That’s why your response (and acceptance) is so important.

If you’re part of the LGBTQ+ community, this can be a great opportunity to point your loved ones who are beginning their coming out journey to affirming spaces and people, culturally competent health care, and mental health support that has helped you. This person may feel very alone, and being in community with other people who share and can relate to their experiences can be life-affirming.

When it comes to supporting trans and nonbinary loved ones, make a strong effort to respect their wishes. You may not understand everything right away. Don’t feel afraid to ask what they want and honor what they ask. This can include learning and consistently using new pronouns, addressing them by a new name, and introducing them properly to others in your life.

It’s also important to be careful with the information people share with you. Being outed (when someone’s sexuality or gender identity is shared without their approval) can be incredibly traumatic, especially in hostile, phobic communities. It’s always best to ask someone when and with whom they’re comfortable with you sharing things about their identity.

If this person is still coming to terms with themselves, hasn’t told their family or employer, or even told you specifically not to share this information, keep it to yourself. No matter what, it’s good practice to just ask people what they want and how they want to be treated, and follow suit.

What resources are available for navigating my LGBTQ+ identity?

If you're still in the process of discovering who you are, you're not alone. Explore these resources like immediate support lines and opportunities for community building below.

Website
Coming Out Guides | Mental Health America
Website | Support group
Find a Chapter | PFLAG
Online directory
The LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory

More Resources