Learn the Signs

Motherhood comes with a lot of unexpected feelings and situations, and there are things we can never totally prepare for. But you can do a lot on your own and with your loved ones to get ready to become a mom.

Creating a postpartum plan can help expectant parents think through all the things that happen AFTER the baby comes home. Postpartum plans can help address items such as sleep, meals, childcare for older children, time off from work, and breaks from parenting. Postpartum Support International provides a Postpartum Plan document and offers a free Postpartum Planning online class.

Simply, yes—what you're feeling is common. Becoming a mom and caring for a baby—even if you've done it before—is one of life's biggest transitions.

After welcoming a baby, you may experience a wide range of emotions, sometimes all at once. Everyone experiences motherhood differently, and there’s no one right way to feel. Be patient and accepting of yourself as you navigate these new and sometimes unexpected emotions.

Many new moms experience anxiety after welcoming a baby. A combination of sleep deprivation, new responsibilities, hormonal changes and a desire to protect your baby can create feelings of intense worry.

If you're feeling overwhelmed with worry, it's a sign you could use more support. Things to Try includes small actions such as grounding practices (slow breathing, naming what's around you) that help in the moment. If the anxiety feels constant, hard to control, or is interfering with sleep or daily life, reach out to a healthcare provider.

There's a significant amount of pressure on moms not only to be perfect but also happy at all times. The reality of motherhood is that not every moment will be joyful. Caring for a newborn is messy, frustrating, and chaotic, as much as it is beautiful and gratifying. Honor your feelings, even when they’re not what you expected.

There are small things you can do every day to care for your mental health. But sometimes, you may need more support. Recognizing when you could use some help is an important part of caring for yourself—and you don't need to have the right words to ask for it. If you're feeling overwhelmed or having trouble managing your responsibilities, reach out to someone you trust or a healthcare provider. You don't have to wait until you're in crisis. Ask for help whenever you need it.

Having a baby is one of the more challenging life experiences. It requires a great deal of change, coordination, support, selflessness, and resources. Mothers also face high levels of judgement and expectations from family and in society. You're caring for a little living being—it makes sense to feel overwhelmed.

Some moms may experience anger and irritability in early motherhood. Hormonal fluctuations, changes in routines, overstimulation, lack of sleep, and depleted energy from new responsibilities can all contribute to a shorter temper.

You're not alone in this, and for many moms the edge softens as sleep and support return. When you feel anger rising, Things to Try offers small ways to ease the pressure, such as stepping away for a few slow breaths — or handing the baby to someone you trust for a moment. If the anger feels constant, frightening, or hard to come back from, a healthcare provider can help.

Bringing a baby home creates a major shift in identity and responsibilities. Suddenly, there's a baby that relies on you entirely, and you may lose touch with the things that helped you thrive before. There's no timeline for reconnecting with yourself after becoming a mom, which will take time and practice.

It is common for a new mom to have scary, unwanted thoughts — also called intrusive thoughts. Intrusive thoughts are unwanted, upsetting thoughts or mental images that can feel frightening. They are common for many new moms and often involve fears of accidentally harming your baby or not being able to protect them from harm. They can appear suddenly and leave you feeling anxious, ashamed, or distressed.

Having intrusive thoughts does not mean you want it to happen or that it reflects your intentions, values, or character. These thoughts occur as a new mother's brain shifts into a protective state to keep the new baby safe.

If they become persistent or more intense, interfere with daily life, or cause significant distress, reach out to a mental health professional or mental health provider, such as a social worker or therapist.

Know the Difference

Intrusive thoughts are different from thoughts that you want to act on, or from experiences where you feel disconnected from reality. If you’re hearing or seeing things others do not, feeling unusually confused or paranoid, having beliefs that don’t seem grounded in reality, or feeling that you or your baby are in danger because of these experiences, seek immediate medical help. These can be signs of postpartum psychosis, a rare but serious condition that requires urgent treatment.

Paying attention to how you're feeling — and how often — is the best way to know if you need help. It is important to name your emotions, both to people you trust and to yourself. Sometimes you won't notice these changes yourself, so let the people close to you know they can be honest with you, too. 

Most new parents experience challenges in the first few days, weeks, and even months of life with a baby, but they are able to get through the day, care for their baby, and handle other responsibilities without too much interruption. 

Having intense, disturbing, and disruptive emotions are a sign you need professional help. Mothers who may be experiencing significant symptoms may express thoughts, such as:

• Why am I such a bad mother?
• I want to run away.
• I cannot take it one more minute.
• My baby / family would be better off without me.
• I feel like I am drowning.
• I am the worst mother in the world.
• Everyone else makes it look so easy; why is it so hard for me?

Reach out for help if you are:

• Struggling to get through the day and manage daily tasks, such as caring for yourself or your child(ren).
• Feeling so desperate or hopeless that you cannot see that things will change or improve.
• Feeling so anxious or overwhelmed that you feel like you are drowning.
• Concerned you might hurt yourself or your child(ren).

You don't have to wait until things feel unbearable — reaching out early is a strength.

You don’t have to do everything perfectly. Small moments of connection matter.
Your baby is learning from you all the time. You can support their development through simple things you’re probably already doing:

• Talk, sing and make eye contact. Your voice, facial expressions and responses help your baby build early communication and social skills.
• Comfort them when they’re upset. You don’t have to stop every cry. Being there helps your baby feel safe and learn that big feelings can be managed with support.
• Play and explore together. Peekaboo, reading, singing or simply talking about what you’re doing can help build your baby’s developing brain.
• Create familiar routines. Predictable moments around sleeping, eating, getting dressed, playing and connecting can help your baby learn what to expect.
• Take care of yourself, too. Getting rest when you can and accepting support can give you more capacity to be present and connected with your baby.

These small moments of connection can help your baby learn, grow and feel secure—every day, even when things feel hard.